The Threads of Honesty

I've written before about the pea shell game of addiction-or rather, compulsions, urges, fixations, obsessions, whatever you want to call it.  It moves around.  If it ain't here, where did it go?

My heart goes out to all of us who have this challenge.  They say, "The truth will set you free." I believe it.

H...honesty
O...open-mindedness
W...willingness to accept

Over and over this threads in my recovery.  How honest can I be?  About me, myself and I? Not about you and others...just about me.  Where do I put myself in harm's way? How do I contribute to the problem?  What's my part in it? I see now why the old teachers taught by asking questions.  It was a method of discovery and learning.

I've ducked and dodged questions for so long.  A memory comes rising out of the mists of childhood where my mother asked me a thousand and one questions.  It seemed no matter what I answered, it wasn't good enough.  I was gonna get a whipping.  I hated her and I hated her questions.  Most of all I hated having to answer them.

Now, I'm a big girl with big girl panties plus now I get to ask the questions of myself in a kind, loving, lovable way.  I can give me a sweet, accepting, compassionate hug and encourage myself to keep on keeping on the High Road of Recovery, one step at a time, one day at a time.

For this, I am grateful.

Dear Creator, thank YOU for all the showers of YOUR blessings YOU bestow on us all today, tomorrow and yesterday.  As YOU Will.  Love, Carol

The notes from studying the literature this morning again brings to mind "The Matrix" which stars Keanu Reeves. 

From "Day by Day ":  "The cost of a thing is the amount of what I will call life which is required to be exchanged for it, immediately or in the long run."-Thoreau

The price for drug (using) behavior is our Freedom...realize we pay too dearly to feel the Oblivion take over.  WAKE UP and pay the price for Freedom-Spiritual Growth- or we will be a slave 'til death.

Lord, please let me be free by turning my life over to You so all the Liberty I need is made available to me.

Back to Reality

Wow...it feels like forever since I blogged on my recovery or lack thereof!  LOL  It's been w-i-l-d.  Now, please understand , for ME it's felt wild while for others-no big deal.  No matter what...I still don't drink.  That's always a blessing. At least, it does give me a chance to build on something solid.  I remember when I built on dreams and hopes evaporating on dissipating fumes of alcohol vapors.

Just for today, it's true...I feel a ray of hope, a sunbeam of promise bestowed from that which is Greater than us all...my Creator, my Higher Power that I choose to call GOD.  Prayer is when I talk to GOD and meditation is when I shut up, be quiet and listen to GOD...

Thank You for this day, Lord.  May I seek and do Your Will.  I must remember to be of service to You is the highest privilege and the healthiest strong basic foundation to build one day at a time. Sincerely, Carol