Notes of My Recovery * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * : The Family Legacy of Illness 1954

Ok....too much has happened...w-a-y too fast...where do I begin? There have been some traumatic events so I may be unfolding them with time...

Finally, I have an Alanon sponsor who was sponsored by someone who took her through the Steps then she took me through the Steps...excellent! She's awesome and has helped me so much! How I went through the Steps in AA was very different than in Alanon. My experience was "Hope you make it" in AA, whereas in Alanon it was "Let me help you make it". I'm confident it was the difference in sponsors and not in the Steps of the programs. I love them both for each taught me great lessons. Now I know...how NOT to do and How to do it. Thank You, Higher Power.

Note:Let go of childish "all or nothing" attitude and apply realistic standards.

One of the things that happened since I last wrote was my son asked if I'd seen the picture of me in the newspaper of when I was a baby. Uh, no. He said his dad's father was a packrack (follow that thought lol), in other words, his grandfather saved a bunch of newspapers in the garage. While cleaning it out, his dad found one had a picture of my mother entering a paddy wagon! What???!

Email to my younger brother:

Apparently his father was a pack rat n he found it in the stuff. I remember finding another newspaper article about that incident n the picture was different because it only had Ray n Rudy sitting on a bed n stuff strewn everywhere.
I will be talking to my Alanon sponsor bout those pics. Bring a lot of feelings up. Most of all very grateful for 21 years of sobriety. On Saturday I was on a panel of volunteers who spoke at the Austin Transition Center and hope n pray if just 1 person received the message that change is possible, there IS a way out, then I served my life purpose in that moment. Those pics remind me where we come from, Cliff. We've come a long way...love ya, Carol

mom covering her face

Notes: We don't have to accept unacceptable behavior. Need not tolerate violence or abuse, I have choices I didn't recognize before. Set some limits, not to control others, but to offer myself guidelines so I will know what is and what is not acceptable and what to do about it. One person I still accept unacceptable behavior from - me. I continued berating myself, blaming myself when things went wrong, never gave myself credit for my efforts, told myself I was homely, thoughtless, lazy, stupid. I can start treating myself like a valued friend and stop standing in the way of my own recovery. I've been affected by a disease of attitudes. When I treat myself with love and approval, I know that I am recovering. "Let one therefore keep the mind pure, for what a man thinks, that he becomes."

I think that's my brother Rudy still in diapers

Notes: I pray for the Enlightenment to make my detachment loving, not cruel. Let it not be a wall between us, but a bond of mutual respect for one another's individuality. Stay objective and not take personally everything that is said or done. Detach, by not allowing myself to become involved emotionally.