Well, apparently I am one of those who must hit several times the same bottom then get to hit more still, etc. LOL When is it ever done? Life seems to provide multiple opportunities to turn to the Higher Power, to submit to this Power that is greater than I, to surrender and Let Go and Let GOD, again and again. Seems to be a major life lesson for me.
Kind of fascinating in a way. Like one of those video games where you smash through barriers over and over again, each one with hidden tricksters or monsters that must be smashed, conquered before entering a newer, better domain until finally, after much trial and error, mistakes, power losses, empty loser efforts, until at last...you reach the Golden Moment...it all comes together and it's all good. Hilarious. Only thing is that the Game of The Truth vs. The Lie is pretty final. Get it or don't get it. Jeesh. Reality or Illusion? Sanity or Delusion? How do I choose today?
Just read in "Day by Day" meditation book re: Cloud Nine. The fantasy place attained by alcohol, pills, dope, gambling, shopping, eating, sex, thrills, etc. What a thrill! How long does that "high" last? I guess it depends on tolerance levels of that energy. What used to be wanting a little taste of the thrill or risk of only one small drink, encounter, etc. slowly, insidiously grew to monstrous proportions until the need to have it took over. More and more was needed to achieve what used to only take a little. Jeesh.
What truly fascinates me though is that the Solution to all my problems lies in the realm of the Spirit. But first I needed to have THE DESIRE to put a stop to my compulsive behaviors. And for this multi-winner, I've had to ask my Higher Power for the willingness to stop. I am a slow learner.
Dear GOD, thank YOU for the multiple opportunities I get to have to see the truth...that I am NOT the center of the universe and neither is anyone else. YOU are. YOU rule. Also, please help me remember that although I may make mistakes , I am not a mistake. I pray for the willingness to do YOUR Will just for today. Love, Carol xoxox
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