Blogging keeps me humble

Blogging helps so much because it keeps me humble.  Writing down the material which presents itself is challenging especially when some of it is not very pretty.  What will people think of me?  Selfish to the core.  I want to keep my experiences closed-in, to myself...me, me, my, my.  What I forget is maybe, just maybe, there is one other human being out there in the world suffering alone, isolated, socially withdrawn, hurting, shut-in with the pain of guilt and shame.  And maybe, just maybe, the sharing of my story can help them know they are not alone and know there is a way out, freedom is possible.  If we do the work.

Some of us have some pretty ugly stories.  Some of us have rough developmental issues from growing up influenced by life's circumstances and not having the tools or skills to deal with it.  We  used defense mechanisms to survive but they no longer work.  Now what do we do?  How do we change?  

My experience is...for me to change...it's like the saying, "My back was against the wall and the wall was on fire."  The pain decibel has to get high enough on the register of heart, mind and soul so I can hear it.  Pain for me, normally is like white noise or background noise, a steady drone in my life only noticeable when it's not there or it's so elevated I can't block it out.  I believe this is one of the long term effects of living with an alcoholic and a part of early childhood conditioning.  Dr. Phil is so right when he talks about how mistreating children changes their brain chemistry and alters them.  The drone of pain was instilled...and I want it to stop.

Anyway, I know what needs to be done...rework the 4th Step.  I worked it in early sobriety to the best of my ability and level of honesty at that time.  I wrote a narrative then worked the 5th Step with Charity.  But I missed something and I am willing to be rigorously honest in this next inventory .  GOD help me.