The Shitty Committee

This morning I was in the kitchen, wiping down the counter, microwave and oven toaster when I noticed my thought-life was activated.  The "voices" in my head had a quiet, under the radar rendition humming along about Sho, my lifemate.  He was this and he was that, all kind of character assessments, past and present, etc.  There was not one kind thought in the mix.  Before long this Shitty Committee was full steam ahead, no subtlety whatsoever.  It became a blatant, flurried bunch of negative chitter-chatter, gossipy, character assassination "voices" busy, busy, busy taking HIS inventory!  I was fine when I walked into the kitchen but in a few minutes I felt angry, resentful and wondering what the hell am I doing with him if he makes me so unhappy!   AND HE WASN'T EVEN HERE...IT WAS ME, MY THOUGHTS THAT ROBBED ME OF MY PRESENT MOMENTS OF POTENTIAL HAPPINESS.  This happened so fast, too.  I'm an expert in doing this to myself with so many years of practiced repetition.  I really don't need anyone's help in getting the Shitty Committee going, obviously.

I do need help in stopping it though.  That's where the 12 Steps help.  It gives me the format, configuration, structure, frame of reference or whatever you want to call it, to change my brain...my thought-life...my learned way of being in the BONDAGE OF SELF instead choosing to enjoy my present moments, embracing life, celebrating each privileged breath and opportunities to love and be loved.