Somewhere along the way I seem to have misplaced my gentleness.
I used to hide my sensitivity and crusted it in a hairball to protect myself. Scared but not letting anyone know it, if I could help it. It seemed as if my life was at stake. Then, through the work of working the Steps and going to therapy, etc. I became freer and freer most of the time.
A few years back I had the sad misfortune of encountering an individual in a high place who exerted her power with ruthlessness. She created fear in me and I didn't like her, hoped to never be like her. Guess what, an even greater fear shows up for me today...am I becoming like her? Insensitive? Ruthless? An attitude of "higher than"? (even though I am still in my lowly position at the shelter?) Callous disregard for how others feel? The same way I was treated? "The Pedagogy of the Oppressed" (title of a book that teaches about how people who are oppressed and then get some power will in turn oppress others the same way they were oppressed) lived-out and acted-out by me? NOTE: Actually the book, according to Wikipedia, teaches something else. Just goes to show how it's easy to see things a different way. Jeesh.
Anyway, I have a responsibility. Stop the crap. I am a child of GOD and so is everyone else. If my goal and purpose in life is to be of service to my Higher Power and my Higher Power's children, how am I being of service by mistreating the very same people I am to be of benefit to? Surely everything I do to them, I am doing to me?
Dear Higher Power, YOU are the Source, the Light, the Way. Please help me go and stay on YOUR path of Love and be loved...sincerely, Carol xoxox
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