I've been working on the 4th Step inventory and hit a major roadblock, boulder of resistance, blockade. Finally, yesterday, I was able to make a breakthrough to move on. I mainly stayed stuck on my teenager years. How many of us flubbed, dropped the ball, made multiple mistakes, etc. during the years of adolescence? Especially regarding sexuality, sensuality, intimacy, affection. Jeesh. I made plenty. I look back at my younger self and embrace her, hold her close and say I love her no matter what, and no matter what, will always be here for her, through it all. :)
Day by Day, "...no longer wake up in the morning saying, 'I don't have to escape because it is a holiday.' We wake up appreciating our sobriety and cleanness, and just live the day to the best of our ability."
Daily Reflections, p.194, "The 12 Steps have helped to change my life in many ways, but none is more effective than the acquisition of a Higher Power."
One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, p.186, "...I took too much on myself in trying to engineer solutions. Now I know I can only make right decisions by referring my problems to Him."
Courage to Change, p.186, "I am free to be myself. This is a come-as-you-are program."
Hope for Today, p.186, "...I fear intimacy as much as I crave it. I enjoy it for awhile, but then start feeling like I'm losing myself in the other person. I have some damaging perceptions about my body and its imperfections...often question my spontaneous inner urges to give someone a fond hug or kiss...didn't realize it at first, this healing started when my sponsor suggested I take an inventory of my sexuality, sensuality, intimacy, passion, affection, self-expression, and desire.
"...First, I learned to recognize, accept, trust, and enjoy my instincts and expressions...learned how to set guidelines for myself and others regarding acceptable and unacceptable sexual behavior. A quote from Sexual Intimacy and the Alcoholic Relationship, p.40, "...learned that sex is only part of intimacy---that intimacy encompasses caring and sharing, laughing, crying, and praying together, touching and hugging, giving and taking."
As We Understood, p.242, "...I no longer have to judge my behavior and feelings by the opinions of others and I do not have to feel responsible for the actions of others, no matter how close we are.
"Today I can make healthy, life-giving, life-affirming, choices for myself. If I find myself reacting to emotional frenzy in others, I can remove myself from the situation or I can contribute calmness and assurance that even the worst problems have a way of coming to a resolution. I know that no problem lasts forever, so I no longer feel that urgent need to find the perfect solution in the next ten minutes.
"...learned to share my problems with others. I no longer have to make decisions without benefit of the insight and experience of others who have traveled a similar path....almost everyone I knew was in deep emotional pain and had no resources for me to draw on. I learned that I could not make healthy choices by basing decisions on unhealthy role models...I can admit that I am human, I make mistakes, and I can go on from where I am. I do not have to stay in indecision and misery.
"...When I see people close to me make what I believe are foolish decisions, I can say, "Live and Live." In the unlikely event that they ask my opinion, I can offer it, but what they do with it is their decision.
"Today, I can turn them over to GOD....It is not in our power to control the actions, attitudes or disease of another human being. Only GOD can heal him and direct his path.
"...led me to a faith in GOD today which is based on acceptance of the world as it is. I no longer agonize over how the world should be. GOD created this world and I am responsible for using my talents and gifts to make a positive contribution to the world today...has led me through this life and given me the gifts of acceptance and faith and it is up to me to share them with others."
In All Our Affairs, p.172, "...learned that my Higher Power can use my unwise decisions to teach me and that He will sustain me through the aftermath. Some decisions are not simply choices between something good and something not-good, but more like: "Which kind of pain can I live with most readily?"...There are times when I must hurt through a situation. When this happen, the choice is not whether to hurt or not to hurt, but what to do while I am hurting. I can function productively while I heal or I can turn my face to the wall and hide a while. I have done some of both, but at least I know now that I have the choice."Dear GOD Almighty Creator of It ALL, thank YOU for It ALL. Love, Carol xoxox
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