The last few nights I spent hours taking care of the bump. I heated water, gathered white cloth, epsom salt, hydrogen peroxide, gauze squares and Neosporin antibiotic ointment. I'd put the salt in the cloth, dunk it in the heated water, let it lay until it cooled on the bump, time after time. Finally the bump all came to head. Even though I'd gently pricked it with a needle (first I put the needle in the flame from a cigarette lighter and let it cool for a second), nothing came out so I just kept the hot poultice stuff going. The next night the guck started coming out, more and more. It then bled some, draining. Now I went into wound care. I pointed the nozzle of the peroxide bottle towards it and squeezed until a stream gently, thoroughly cleansed it. Squeezed ointment on the gauze, then applied it as a protective shield. Jeesh. Ugh.
Now I'm like having a hard time describing this because I feel a lot of emotions come up.
Scared. Fear. Uncertainty. Inadequate. Unsure. Worried.
I'd called my doctor but the soonest appointment was the 19th. I thought maybe I'll go to a walk-in clinic or to the emergency room because...I need a "professional". It looked pretty bad. Maybe it's MRSA, or staph of some kind. Or if not, it will be if I don't see a professional. On and on. I took care of it. Kept my hands clean. Everything I used I cleaned, etc.
All this because of a clogged skin pore. Had it for awhile then...pow. Here I am. A mountain from a molehill indeed. LOL Anyway, it looks pretty good and hopefully it's just maintenance from now on. GOD-willing and the creek don't rise.
I sound so primitive. Like I have no doctor, no insurance, FSA account to take care of medical expenses, etc. But why do I feel such a conditioned need to run to a professional, doubting myself, when I am capable of using common sense and have the experience of taking care of many kinds of hurts and pains?
Day by Day, "All we have to do is become willing to believe that a source of energy outside of ourselves is going to help us...Electricity works just the same after an electronics course as it does before one understands the nature of electricity...We needn't care if we understand GOD, we just need to believe that GOD understands us."
Daily Reflections, p.202, titled "Giving up Center Stage", "...not humbling myself toward other people, but towards GOD, as I understand Him. Humility means "to show submissive respect," and by being humble I realize I am not the center of the Universe...consumed by pride and self-centeredness...felt the entire world revolved around me, that I was master of my destiny. Humility ...to depend more on GOD to help me overcome obstacles, to help me with my own imperfections, so that I may grow spiritually...must solve more difficult problems to increase my proficiency and, as I encounter life's stumbling blocks...learn to overcome them through GOD's help. Daily communion with GOD demonstrates my humility and provides me with the realization that an entity more powerful than I is willing to help me if I cease trying to play GOD myself."
One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, p.194, "'Let go of your clutching hold on the problem. Let go and let the Divine Power, which works in all things, work in this, too.'...only reasonable course is to Live and Let Live---to learn to live my own life fully and to let others live theirs. Or, more simply, to mind my own business.
"Right now, today, I will lighten my burden by dropping that part of it which does not belong to me. Today I will look more closely at my thoughts and impulses, and take only such action as is required of me." A quote from Thomas A'Kempis, "Keep thyself first in peace and then thou wilt be able to bring others to peace. Have, therefore, a zeal in the first place over thyself..."
Courage to Change, p.194, "...teach us to focus on ourselves? It seemed such a contradiction...tended to think in extremes...Either I focused on myself and separated myself completely from the lives of others, or I wrapped myself around those others until I lost myself...come back to center...Encouraging and being kind to others is one way of being good to myself, and I don't have to sacrifice myself in the process...still take care of myself. "If you would be loved, love, and be lovable." Benjamin Franklin
Hope for Today, p.194, "The more scared I was, the more I tried to control." '...My Higher Power is the confidence within me that makes me unafraid...' a quote from As We understood, p. 105
As We Understood, p. 256, the last page of the stories in this book, "For her, and so many others like her, I am responsible, Let It Begin With Me."
In All Our Affairs, p.178, "...so lacking in confidence that we thought we couldn't do anything...incapable of making the simplest decisions for ourselves, yet could tell others how to run their lives....grow enough to listen to others' suggestions and realize they are just suggestions. The choices and decisions are up to me. Even if I decide to consult a professional, I still have to decide whether or not to accept the opinion...inform decision-making: asking for and receiving suggestions, listing my alternatives and the probable realistic outcome, then making decisions based on the best information that I can gather....must also have flexibility...was such a rule follower...so ramrod unbending...difficult for me to learn to roll with the punches...went through a stage of being a people-pleaser, then reached another when I thought, "Well, I'll do whatever I want to and if they don't like it that's their problem."...learned that my decisions do sometimes affect others, and I try to take them into consideration."
Dear Sweet Lord GOD Almighty Creator, thank YOU. As YOU Will. Love, Carol xoxox
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