I've heard the only two people who don't make it in the 12 Steps programs are too smart and too good-looking. Why do you think that is?
To do the work is not dependent on how cute I look today or whether I'm wearing the latest fashion clothes, hairstyle, shoes, fancy fingernails, etc. Nor does it depend on my best thinking, trying to arrange people and life to suit me as if I am the authority on how everyone and everything "should" be. Where's my Higher Power in all this?
I love the descriptive phrase my friend, Andie, gave me. The "GOD hole". The deep void...the empty space within we ineptly try to fill with alcohol and other drugs, sex, gambling, shopping, debts, controlling, criticizing, judging, eating compulsively and other acting-out behaviors that only hurt ourselves and others. The space only the Higher Power is expansive enough to fill...when we plug-in on a daily basis.
I've learned what helps me plug-in is doing the work. One foot in front of the other. Trudging along the Road of Happy destiny as described on page 164 of the big book, "Alcoholics Anonymous". I may not do it perfectly, all the time, every day, exactly. I just do it. I also whip it out when necessary. I know exactly what to do cause I've practiced it so many times that I don't have to stop and think about it. It feels like it is a part of me, the way a body part feels a part of me. As if I was born with it. The 12 Steps work when I work them. Period...thank GOD for that! Yeah!
2 comments:
Carol,
I have lots of progress to share with you and look forward to seeing you at Sunday's meeting if you are there. I may give you a ring earlier - get over my fear of "bothering" you. It's amazing what I realized about my brother when I was no longer looking to him to save me from our parents, our upbringing. I also can't believe how much I've used behaviors such as sexual acting out to relieve anxiety and with recent serenity how much that has presented itself in my forefront. It's been a busy week returning from a family "vacation" that went pretty well with a lot of standing my ground. But, I had help and I thank you for that and alanon and the awakening I've had that I'm not alone in my narrative - that my brother is there with me too (mostly the higher power at work) and I just couldn't see it for all this time. I look forward to our next exchange.
Awesome! I look forward to seeing you on Sunday...
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