This process is described in detail on pages 64 thru 71 in the Big Book "Alcoholics Anonymous".
I get a pen or pencil and some paper to write on. I find a quiet, secluded and comfortable space where I can write. First I pray and ask my Higher Power to please help me do the work. I think about my life history.
I draw 5 columns across the page. On top of the 1st column I write "I resent:" I make a list of who I resent, leaving plenty of space between each name.
On top of the 2nd column I write "Because". Then I write exactly what each person did to me. I am very specific about the clearly observable behaviors they did. Not how I think or feel about the behaviors.
On top of the 3rd column I write "This affects my". For each behavior I listed in the 2nd column I write whether my self esteem, ambitions, finances, and/or sex relations were affected.
(I learned to finish the inventory process by adding 2 columns).
On top of the 4th column I write"My part". Here I write about how I contributed to this situation. Usually it was because of fear, selfishness, self-centeredness, and/or dishonesty.
On top of the 5th column I write" Ideal". Here I write what I believe is a better way of acting or reacting.
I also make a list of my positive attributes. This helps with taking a balanced inventory. I thank my Higher Power for helping me and ask for assistance in keeping an open mind, for more will be revealed with time.
NOTE: The Al-Anon Fourth Step is in a booklet titled "Blueprint For Progress". It is 90 pages. The Minnesota inventory is said to be 700 questions. One of the last things Dr. Bob told Bill W. were words to the affect of, "Keep it simple. Don't louse it up, Bill." Another one I have heard is, "If it ain't broke, leave it alone." My experience as a creative human being, I like to add a little here and a little there to make it MINE, to individualize it. Then what happens is I usually have to get back to basics and stop complicating things. Jeesh.
5 comments:
I am doing this daily and with each resentment, concluded with an ideal I am peeling away at the anxiety that wrecks my life on a weekly basis, when it seeps in and kills my moment.
Yes...I tell you what, when I hurt enough I WILL do the work! This is the Gift Of Desperation...GOD. :-)
Working the step with / about my mom today, resenting her still ongoing abuse. Trying to be truthful and kind to her, together. I'm powerless over mother's day and what it evokes for both of us.
I admire your courage in speaking your truth. I send you hugs and kisses. I remember well the duality of loving my mom for birthing and taking care of me plus I hated her for the mistreatment, neglect and abandonment. In working my 4 with her it was easy for me to write down the things she did I resented and feared. I had a hard time seeing my part because when she did her most damage I was a young dependent child. My recovery has been working the Steps and after awhile I was empowered to go to therapy and discharge a lot of old misspent energy around my mother. The surprise in therapy was how much I demonized my mother and I sainted my father. I l-o-v-e therapy. It's been my experience that it is messy. Not very pretty at all but oh, so worth it! Yeah! :-)
I enjoy reading your comments. It takes courage to share your thoughts and feelings. It's not easy to take the chance of being honest! What would people say???
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