Steps 1, 2, 3

I wrote in my journal.  "Dear Heavenly Lord God Almighty, thank You for reminding me that You love me. Always have, always will. Oh, Lord, thank You for the awesome, incredible, multiple blessings You give to me and my loved and not so loved ones. You rule, Lord. You are The Most High, The One, The Source who makes this all possible. Thank you."
I wrote about my allergies. I also wrote about how I clipped my nails at work because one broke off and I just wasn't able to get to clipping it any sooner. Rather awkward. I wrote about how I feel sad, disconnected, dejected by any rejection I may experience even a little. I wrote that there are 3 things, or rather, relationships I want to work my program on. One is my relationship with my psoriasis. Second is my relationship with obesity. Third is my relationship with clutter.  Immediately I feel sad, overwhelmed, powerless, immobilized, inadequate, less than, incapacitated… a loser. Immediately my brain starts collecting the evidence of just how bad I am in terms of my skin, my weight, and my "stuff". My interior mind-life looms large in conflict, turmoil, pain, self-doubt and punishment, very negative. In response to this automatic,The EGO.  E.dging G.od O.ut  In my head, my thoughts take over.  Into a "party of one"...all this happens in about the blink of an eye.


The multiple vain attempts to "control" or eliminate the psoriasis, obesity, and clutter, at first, seem to work but not for long. Inevitably I fall back to the same behavior of not dealing with each one or not taking action. I feel powerless and my "world" is unmanageable because I keep spinning, in and out.  Each time I am in the "Stop and Go cycle" it just gets worse and worse. I complete STEP ONE by admitting how powerless I am over ______ (fill in the blank with whatever fixation or compulsion is active) and my life is unmanageable (refers to the inner world of chaos in my head).


Writing this to my Higher Power really helps me because I no longer feel so alone and I remember "who's large and in charge?" I remember I am not The One. My Higher Power is.  My Creator from whence I came and will return. That loves me, is unconditionally available and loving and lovable at all times. Always has and always will.  Compassionate, merciful, powerful, all-knowing, healing, protective, patient, kind. STEP TWO.



I make a decision to turn this all over to my Higher Power.  I "Let Go and Let God".  I say aloud, with an understanding person or alone, the Third Step Prayer:

"GOD, I offer myself to Thee---to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt.Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will.Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of Life.May I do Thy will always!"        ...page 63 from the Big Book "Alcoholics Anonymous"

STEP THREE.


At STEP FOUR I get into "action".  Up to now, the Steps are done in my head, mentally.