Step 5

Well, I met with my sponsor today and I talked about this blog and my efforts to work Steps 1, 2, 3 in writing.  We held hands as we prayed the 3rd Step prayer then I read my Step 4 inventory. Although I talked about the resentments I felt about my relationships with psoriasis, obesity and clutter there were linkages that came up to my two older brothers who abused me when I was a child.  Also to my sister who withheld from me her addictions to drugs and put my children in harm's way.   I have had a real hard time forgiving them for these things.

My sponsor referred me to the second paragraph on page 124 in the big book "Alcoholics Anonymous" which says, "This painful past may be of infinite value to other families still struggling with their problem. We think each family which has been relieved owes something to those who have not, and when the occasion requires, each member of it should be only too willing to bring former mistakes, no matter how grievous, out of their hiding places. Showing others who suffer how we were given help is the very thing which makes life seem so worth while to us now. Cling to the thought that, in God's hands, the dark past is the greatest possession you have - the key to life and happiness for others. With it you can avert death and misery for them."  She pointed-out this can apply to them, too.

As she and I talked about the columns she wrote on a piece of paper.  She asked me to repeat what I'd written in the "ideal" column. So...

 My relationships with psoriasis, obesity and clutter serve a purpose:  separation.  From my Higher Power and others.  This is a form of self-abuse brought on by my dishonesty and self-pity. The bondage of self...cloaked with these 3 relationships..to keep me "safe" but in fact, imprisoned.

She wrote at the bottom of the paper:  "Dependence upon GOD rather than your 3 things. Act "as if"...it's all good."  She also said, " GOD is your cloak of protection, not those 3 things."