Co-signing the B.S..

There really are people who can "love to death"!  Jeesh.  The untreated co-dependents living in denial they have a serious illness themselves.  Some are very smooth operators who know just what to say, how to look, and how to act in each social setting, adept in presenting sanity at all times, their internal :"Little Professors" working overtime to instruct everybody else of what they need to be doing to succeed in life.  Busy, busy, busy in the cover-up .  Co-dependents co-sign the bull-crap of addiction because they make it easier and easier for the alcoholic/addict to use. "Oh, it's not that bad", "He'll outgrow it", "It's just a phase she's going through", "he'll stop one day when he's ready", "she feels so bad because...", ""I just can't say no", "I hate to see him go through so much pain", "I give it to her so she'll shut up and leave me alone", "Begs and pleads until I feel so sorry for him that I give in", "Screams and threatens to hurt me or herself which scares me so I give in", "It's only $5, I can afford it.", "Poor thing, it must be terrible", "Here, take this ___ to make you feel better", on and on.  I assure you for every good little alcoholic/addict in the grip of addiction there is a good little co-dependent nearby ready "to make things better".  I know of these things because I've done them.  I've been guilty of them all and I learned to do these very same things from watching others do them.

This is perfectly understandable since I come from an extensive family system riddled with all kinds of substance abuse, mental illnesses and large doses of denial.  Looking at my family members it is very easy to see the ravages these illnesses take on us all in the long run BUT it's harder to see when it's too close.  Like it's harder to see the forest if I'm standing too close to a tree.

I grew up poor as a little girl and did without.  This was not uncommon where I lived in the barrio and there were many gifts of cast-off clothes, shoes, a cup of sugar to make the oatmeal taste better, etc.  I remember living in Montopolis and there was a girl who was "rich" in that she had a tab at the local store where she could get whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted!  I felt astonished that such a possibility could even exist!  She was the girl with the candy and had special status in the hood.  So we did a lot of people-pleasing, backstabbing, character assassination and whatever we could to jockey for the #1Friend position.   I didn't last long in the competition...too slow and it didn't really feel good when I won at the cost of others.  So I removed myself from the fray and did without. Awwww...

Anyway, what this memory brings to mind is how the people with the candy in the legal adult world are medical persons who have access to prescription drugs.  Why do drugs work?  Because they change the way we think and feel...mood and mind-altering drugs.  That is the nature of the pill beast.  However, they ALL have side effects, some short and some lifelong.

What excites me is how it is possible to change how I think, feel and act by working my program!   I can go to a meeting when I feel crappy then walk out feeling a changed person!  Free!  Jeesh. The only side effect is I get to live free from the bondage of addiction.  If only I could bottle and sell that.  I'd be a frigging millionairess!