Sick & Tired of Being Sick & Tired

My experience is pain can be a great motivator.  Sometimes I gotta get off my Easy Does It butt and do the work but my character defects are in the way!  I procrastinate, avoid the "hassle", pretend it's really not that bad, I can do it!  Usually I'm lackadaisical until I feel like total crap...THEN and ONLY then, when I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired does the willingness kick in.  It's got to hurt enough and wow, talk about willingness!  Anything, I mean, anything is better than the hellhole of pain.  It hurts so bad I'll get down on my knees, pray and meditate, go to meetings, call my sponsor, read recovery literature, journal, put pen to paper.  I'll do anything you tell me...I get real.  Whew!  Just to stop hurting then, with time and effort, I learn to stop contributing to the creation of so much pain and chaos...I clean my side of the street and depend on the Higher Power to keep me from falling into the same old holes littered throughout the minefield of Life's pathways...

Autobiography in Five Chapters

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost... I am hopeless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I'm in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in... it's a habit
My eyes are open
I know where I am
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

I walk down another street.

'Autobiography in Five Chapters' was written by Portia Nelson (1920 - 2001) and quoted in
“The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying”.

 by Portia Nelson