One of my Alanon sponsees encourages me to keep writing, another one not only likes my blog she started her own. A couple of AA buddies also give positive feedback. There is something very revealing in writing a blog. For one thing it is on the World Wide Web. Jeesh. Will it be criticized? Probably. So what? Who cares? In the Great Cosmos, I am a little, bitty, wee blink of an existence and what I think, feel, believe and do, for the most part, really doesn't amount to anything. It's like "poof".
But...the Great "But" is...in my mind, I'm all I got. This is it. I am here. Now what do I do?
The answer for me is to work the 12 Steps, over and over. Why? Because they work. No matter what obstacles, barriers, detours that Life presents if I just remember to do the work, everything is not only "ok"...I'm happy, joyous and free. Well, that's the goal, the ideal. There are times I'm there, right there where I want to be. But I don't stay there.
The truth is Life keeps happening, changing, and a lot of times faster than I can keep up. I'm not only s-l-o-w. I resist. I don't wanna. Even if I'm unhappy I'd rather stay inert, fixed in the "comfort" of the misery I know instead of the discomfort of The Unknown. The Learning Curve stretches out too far ahead and I can't see how long it'll take to "get there". To this new place of understanding and possibility. Will I make it to the other side or fail dismally? Another statistic. So then I think of myself as a has-been who never-was. I forget. This is the place of Nowhere. The Beatles wrote an fantastic song, "Nowhere Man" that kind of describes this.
The Steps lead to Somewhere that I am Somebody and so are you. Where we bask in the glory of our Higher Power who loves us all unconditionally. My dog, Elvis, is a great teacher of love and acceptance because if a mere dog can love me so much, how much more so does my Creator love me? "Dog" spelled backwards is "GOD". I'm humbled and awed. Thank You, God, for it all...
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