The Problem and The Solution

I just finished writing my boss a letter and I'm getting ready to go to a doctor's appointment for my annual physical.  This is a quick blog for the day.  My friend, C., who is on her roadtrip vacation with her husband and 2 dogs gave me these printouts of The Problem and The Solution.  More gifts from the Universe.  Yeah!

The Problem

Many of us found that we had several characteristics in common as a result of being brought up in alcoholic or other dysfunctional households.

We had come to feel isolated and uneasy with other people, especially authority figures.       

To protect ourselves, we became people pleasers, even though we lost our own identities in the process.  All the same we would mistake any personal criticism as a threat.

We either became alcoholics ourselves, married them, or both. Failing that, we found other compulsive personalities, such as a workaholic, to fulfil our sick need for abandonment.

We lived life from the standpoint of victims. Having an over developed sense of responsibility, we preferred to be concerned with others rather than ourselves. We got guilt feelings when we trusted ourselves, giving in to others. We became reactors rather than actors, letting others take the initiative.

We were dependent personalities, terrified of abandonment, willing to do almost anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to be abandoned emotionally.

We keep choosing insecure relationships because they matched our childhood relationship with alcoholic or dysfunctional parents.

These symptoms of the family disease of alcoholism or other dysfunction made us 'co-victims', those who take on the characteristics of the disease without necessarily ever taking a drink.

We learned to keep our feelings down as children and keep them buried as adults. As a result of this conditioning, we often confused love with pity, tending to love those we could rescue.

Even more self-defeating, we became addicted to excitement in all our affairs, preferring constant upset to workable solutions.

This is a description, not an indictment. 

The Solution

IN ACA, we find the tools that enable us to put the past to rest, to heal and to build meaningful adult lives.

By attending meetings regularly, we learn to trust, to talk about our problems and to recognize, accept and express our feelings.

Through working the program daily we begin to change attitudes and habits that do not work into rewarding and productive ways of living.

The new understanding we find through sharing our experience, strength and hope with others improves our relationship with ourselves and others.

In addition to meetings, the tools of ACA include: The Twelve Steps; The Slogans; a Sponsor; the Traditions; Service to the Group; the Support of the Group and Telephone Contact.

The 12 Steps give us the tools to accept ourselves, to leave the shame behind and they provide us with a framework for living our day to day lives.

The Slogans help us to deal with stress.

Our Sponsor guides us through our program of recovery.

The Traditions insure that the Group will continue to be available to us.

Serving the Group strengthens both ourselves and the Group.

The Support of the Group provides us with the safety and acceptance we need to recover.

Telephone Contact allows us to reach out to others we relate to at any time.

Our experiences have shaped us. It is our responsibility to discover who we are, to build our self esteem and to repair any damage done to us or by us.

We are no longer alone. With the help of our program, we will recover.