Fully Concede to Our Innermost Selves

World English Dictionary

fully  (ˈfʊlɪ)
— adv
1.	to the greatest degree or extent; totally; entirely
2.	amply; sufficiently; adequately: they were fully fed
3.	at least: it was fully an hour before she came concede  (kənˈsiːd)  — vb 1. ( when  tr, may take a clause as object ) to admit oracknowledge (something) as true or correct 2. to yield or allow (something, such as a right) 3. ( tr ) to admit as certain in outcome: to concede an election innermost  (ˈɪnəˌməʊst)  — adj 1. being or located furthest within; central 2. intimate; private: innermost beliefs One of my AA friends always refers to page 30, "Alcoholics Anonymous", where it states, "We learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholics (Alanon, compulsive overeaters, gamblers, etc.).  This is the first step in recovery."  She is so awesome when she says this in meetings because she's completely embraced it and it's saved her life.  She believes it.  So do I. The major #1 symptom of alcoholism, Alanonism, etc. is DENIAL.  In the Theory of Change it is the stage of Pre-contemplation...I don't have a problem.  I'm fine just the way I am. This has nothing to do with race, creed, color, age, intelligence, nationality, etc.  It is a symptom, an indicator.  The same way that Hep C testing looks for the antibodies produced by the body in reaction to the presence of Hep C, so is denial to the presence of addiction.     It shows up the most when I'm mostly trying to cover up the addiction.  That's how I know.  LOL Step 1 must smash DENIAL.  I must look straight back into the eyes of my illness and see it for what it truly is.   Cunning, powerful and baffling.  Ruthless, wrecking havoc on my body, heart, mind and spirit.  Devastating my life and those who love me.  At the beginning stages of this illness it's effects can be so subtle but by the end stages everybody else can see how messed-up I am BUT I CAN'T because DENIAL doesn't let me. The chapters of The Doctor's Opinion and Bill's Story describe so well the nature of the disease and how it looks as it presents its physical and strange mental twists.  Those of us who have used substances like alcohol, food, marijuana, pills, etc. to achieve mind and mood altered states can sometimes quickly see the connections between using or not using.  But some of us have never used, never taken a drink and can still get very, very sick.  How is this possible?  The mental obsession, compulsion is also described.  The phenomena of craving seems to apply to people, places and things. I maintain that before I ever took a drink I was an untreated Alanon.  I was very ill.  I still am except I get treatment for my illness.  I work the Steps, pray and meditate, go to meetings, read the literature, pick up the phone to call others, listen to online speaker meetings, etc. This illness is progressive if left untreated but recovery is possible if I'm willing to do the work.  Yeah!   Every day, buddy, one day at a time...and it does get better.