Get Bitter or Get Better?

I'm not blogging from the top of some safe spiritual mountain where I'm unaffected by life's gale storms of troubles and dictates.  I'm down here in the mix, smack dab in the middle, living life as best I can the same way we all are.  I'm no one special, different, mightier, richer, smarter, etc.  I'm just a common garden variety human being that's facing and accepting life on life's terms with the help of the 12 Steps program on a 24 hours a day basis.  This blog helps as I write about what presents.

Yesterday I went to see a Pro Med doctor and I'm filing for worker's comp. because when I was in the accident  I also had my car full of supplies that I was delivering to the shelter where I work.  The other driver's insurance hasn't contacted me since the agent left a message saying the witness's phone had been disconnected.  Anyway, I went to see this doctor and he asked if the ER had x-rayed  my neck because I had a neck fusion 39 years ago when I was in an abusive relationship.  He ordered x-rays and said the reason this accident affected me so much is because my neck now has arthritis and osteoporosis.  Oh, GOD.  I g-r-i-e-v-e-d hearing this.  Tears come to my eyes as I write.  Feeling pretty sorry for myself.  He said if I were younger, healthier and without this pre-existing condition the impact wouldn't have been so hard.  He wants me to go to physical therapy 3 times a week and scheduled a return appointment for the 22nd.  He asked if I had a family doctor and if I'd had a bone density test.  I told him how my mom and her mom had osteoporosis.  When my mom aged, her head sunk down into her shoulders and she looked like E.T.  As I drove from there to the shelter I thought about what all this means.  I guess if I live long enough I got a lot to look forward to...E.T. go home.  Jeesh.

Afterwards I went to the shelter and the regular person to work the floor wasn't there so I filled-in.  I had a chance to serve the pre-cooked meal but I added a few spices and fixed it up to where the aromas wafted throughout the shelter.  When I served them dinner it wasn't just food.  It was love and care and sincere regard.  A loving wish for them to know how much I care about them and that they are important, too.  This helped me (I am very selfish) to get out of my head, to think of others and to be of service.  Sometimes I feel embarrassed to know I am paid to do this job because it's like I'm being paid to work my program.  That's a GOD-thing, not a "me"-thing.

Anyway, as I go forth this day I know my Higher Power has it covered and all I really need to do is my part.  Let Go and Let GOD and ask for guidance to the next right thing....