The Easier, Softer Way

The first word in the Steps is "We", not "me" or "I".  This is definitely a "We" program.  We all need each other to make it through as we help and are helped in staying free from the Bondage of Self.  One thing I really like about the 12 Steps is the lack of competition on who wins if they work a Step before someone else or who works it better, faster, cuter, etc.  This program is lovely in that it is so much more about cooperation and collaboration instead of competing.  We are in it together.  It's in our best interest to help each other succeed in working the Steps.  We have the opportunity to share camaraderie because we know just how fortunate we are to be a part of the 12 Steps Fellowships.  Whew!  Only by the grace of GOD have we been spared!  So many, for whatever reasons usually having to do with the unwillingness to be rigorously honest, cannot or will not succeed only to fall to the wayside.  "There, but for the grace of GOD, go I".

Finally I met with my doctor and she's cleared me to return to work on Monday.  She recommends physical therapy for my back discomforts and to take the pain pills as needed.  So far I've only taken one pill.  I fear the medication will alleviate the pain too good then I'll be careless and increase the likelihood of making things worse rather than better.   I almost took one last night.  It seems worse during the nights.  I hand this over to my Higher Power. "This, too, shall pass".

The longer I'm away from my job, the more insecure, unsure and guilty I feel.   The negative thoughts bombard me with, for example:   "now they'll know just how insignificant I really am", "they can do fine without me", "hell, they're probably doing better without me in the way", etc.  Yep.   I can and do go there.  No one is doing this to me.  The thoughts are automatic.  How to reign them in and discipline my thoughtlife is what working the 12 Steps does.  It changes my mind.  It takes courage to do this.  It takes what it takes.  My experience is that this is the easier, softer way rather than sitting in it.