There are 2 things I h-a-t-e to do (besides taking pills). One is I simply hate to look for things that aren't where they are supposed to be. For example, the broom and the mop. The other one is to wait. Definitely impatience is one of my character defects. I feel pretty confident the fear of having to wait comes from when I was a little girl my mom would make my dad take us with him so that he would remember to come back home after "winning" at his domino playing. He boasted about his playing and how he won so much but we rarely saw evidence of this because he lost most of it before he made it back home. She also sent us with him so we were out of her hair. She needed a break. So while he was inside the domino hall we sat outside in the car waiting for him. What was supposed to be a 1 hour wait stretched more and more into eternity. We slept, ate snacks, played, we did all we could to wait but he didn't come back. Then we were miserable when the Texas sun rose higher and higher as we started to roast. So many times we went through this until finally there was once where I remember feeling very angry and gathering my younger siblings then entering the dark, cold interior of the building where my dad was playing. The laughter, the jingle-clicks of dominoes being shuffled, and the jovial banter of the players as they talked and bull-crapped each other about who was going to win the hand, the game and the pot was another world compared to where we had been outside in the hot car all sticky with sweat and thirsty. The other players offered us bottled cold sodas and chastised my father for leaving us out there. He tried to take us another time after that but I didn't wait so long anymore. The minute it felt uncomfortable I scooped us all up and went into the domino hall. He stopped taking us. I felt it was all my fault. I was "bad" because I didn't comply. Jeesh. It's good thing I didn't or I probably wouldn't even be here!
Well, anyway, fast forward into the here and now. Waiting for the insurance people to make a determination brings up more feelings than impatience. Fear of rejection, denial, neglect, inadequacy and abandonment are a few others. When that old coot talking on his cellphone hit my car and hurt me this impacted my life. So now, I'm waiting...I sort through the tools of my program to use what I need to get me in the place where I am most effective...in the Sunlight of the Spirit. Let Go and Let GOD is the slogan that comes to mind. Also the Serenity Prayer. Just for Today. B-r-e-a-t-h-e in and out. Relax. Trust there is a Power greater than me and it's taking care of me if I let go. Remember to pause when in doubt or feel agitated...ask GOD for good, orderly direction...it works when I work it...thank GOD.
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