Came to Believe

come

 

1.

to approach or move toward a particular person or place

2.

to arrive by movement or in the course of progress

3.

to approach or arrive in time, in succession, etc.

4.

to move into view; appear.

5.

to extend; reach

come (to)

 to recover consciousness; revive.

b.

to change one's opinion, decision, etc.

c.

to visit: Come around more often.

d.

to cease being angry, hurt, etc.

be·lieve

 

1.

to have confidence in the truth, the existence, or the reliability of something, although without absolute proof that one is right in doing so

restore
1.	to return to an original or former condition
2.	to bring back to health, good spirits, etc
3.	to return (something lost, stolen, etc) to its owner
4.	to reintroduce or re-enforce: to restore discipline
5.	to reconstruct sanity  1. the state of being sane 2. good sense or soundness of judgment

Step 2:  Came to believe that a Power Greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

I'm enjoying the process of looking up the definitions of these words and making this collage.  It is suggested to sponsees to look up the definitions of words so they can get a deeper, fuller understanding of the different meaning of words.  

I've heard it said one of the greatest moves the 12 Steps has is where we have the freedom to choose our own conception of GOD.  Page 12, "Alcoholics Anonymous", describes how Bill struggled with this.  At last he was able to be freed from the cold shadows of his massive, frigid, rigid, icy mountain of intellect that blocked him from the Sunlight of the Spirit.

A lot of times I want to "think" my way into recovery but my experience demonstrates over and over that how to work this program is to stick with the essentials, with what works.  H....honesty, O....openmindedness, W.....willingness.  

I've heard a relapse starts w-a-y before we ever take a drink, a pill, a lover, a bet, a donut, etc.  It starts in the mind.  The famous Stinking Thinking.  Rationalizing, Justifying.  The Shitty Committee starts up.  The mental fixation, obsessive, compulsive thoughts and emotions whirl, stirred faster, faster...then we act-out for relief but we are caught in the cycle, whirling in the vortex...til we hit another bottom.  Jails, prisons, sanitariums, treatment centers, burial caskets, etc. are full of people who have hit many, many bottoms.  

It takes courage to change, to face the demons, to fight back back by submitting to a Power Greater than ourselves, that can do for us what we cannot do for ourselves nor can any other human being do for us or themselves.  This Power Greater than ourselves can and will help us if sought.

I fired the god I was taught was mean, punitive, knew everything so it could and would punish me forever, scary, withheld its favor as a condition of love, neglectful, spiteful, depriving, vindictive, only cared about me if I was kissing its arse, it was absent when I most needed it, and only really cared about the "good" people which I never seemed to feel like I was.

photograph by JLMC

My new job description for my Higher Power:  Is my Creator, I am created in its likeness, is compassionate, loving, merciful, forgiving, giving, 100% loving, 100% lovable  wise, just, inclusionary, multi-talented, all powerful, Present at all times, brilliant, all-knowing, a healer, life-giving, a teacher, visionary, protective, supportive, caring, miracle-maker, etc.  I love my Higher Power and it loves me.  It doesn't look  like a man or a woman...t looks like love.  

This is one gift from the 12 Steps...it's given me a Higher Power I can embrace and hold close to my heart.  I'm very grateful....sincerely, Carol xoxox