Cherishing a Moment in Time and Space

Yesterday, after work, I drove to H.E.B. and shopped for some groceries, turned a corner and there was Sho, my viejo.  We smiled quietly at each other, conversed a bit about what we were each buying, and that we'd be home shortly.  It was a nice surprise to meet him outside from the house.

Anyway, a couple of minutes later, I tuned the corner of an aisle where a young woman rushed towards a man pushing a grocery cart.  She appeared to be surprised to see him there.  He seemed tired, stooped from a hard day's work.  Their eyes locked on each other, her face all aglow with love and beaming with happiness.  She grabbed his hat off his head, wrapped her arm around his head, pulled him to her then their lips locked in hungry, sweet abandon.  Wow.  He changed!  It was like watching a time-lapse video of a wilted, limp, tired, dehydrated plant receive fresh water, air and a little sunshine.  His back straightened, he grew in strength, and his facial expression lifted in a smile that covered his face.  She laughed, they smiled and it was like they were in a private, personal world.  Right there at the store. The gentleness and intimacy these two people shared in that moment was really something to see.  I felt pleased, fortunate and privileged to witness their love for each other.   I politely turned my eyes and walked away as I looked for the next item on my shopping list.

I now cherish and hug this memory because somehow it just reaffirms how love and a genuine regard for each other changes us all.  We are trans formed.  It heals us.

Although Sho and I weren't in deep throes as we encountered each other at the store, there was still a quiet, eye-to-eye regard and love.  We smiled, parted ways then met again at the house where we talked with each other at length, shared our dinner and evening.  All was well with the world.

Before arriving to the 12 Steps, I might have seen something like this and said, "Wow, how cute." Then promptly forgot all about it it.  W-h-a-t-e-v-e-r.  One of the results of working this program is how grateful I feel.  That warm, fuzzy, loving feeling of humble thankfulness.  I remember the first assignment Charity gave me in early sobriety was to write a gratitude list on a daily basis.  Things I felt grateful for.  Jeesh.  Sounds so easy and simple, doesn't it?  I couldn't think of one thing I was grateful for.  I had to call and ask her for an example.  With her coaching I learned to not only recognize the multiple blessings I receive on a daily basis, I also learned to write them down and refer to them whenever I felt sad, bereft, without and not enough.  This still works if I just do it.  I've learned to look for the "good" in people, places and things instead of fixating, obsessing on the so-called "bad".  It's still a challenge for me at times. I'm definitely one of the slow ones in this program.  I'm one of the ones that seems to have to make a l-o-t of mistakes before I get it right.  It's a good thing they told me, "Keep coming back.  It's about progress, not perfection, etc."  LOL  Sometimes I re-read the blogs I've written because they help me just as much as when I wrote them.  Maybe even more so.because of repetition, I guess.  My Higher Power is so close to me when I stay open then I really feel it.  Step 1...Sincerely, Carol oxoxo