In early sobriety I called Charity so many times. I asked her about this or that, sometimes I felt desperate, other times I just wanted to hear her voice. I grew close to her and felt attached like she was a second mother as she helped me take baby steps in the program. No matter what, she seemed to be just a phone call away. All this changed when her addiction to tobacco took over. Her health grew worse and worse until she died. Addiction does not play. It kills.
So the next sponsor was Linda who is sweet, understanding, very intelligent and has over 30 years in the program. Whereas Charity coached me about the Steps, Linda nurtured me and felt like she held my hands through whatever came my way. She, too, seems just a phone call away, day or night. She continues to be a good friend and I love her for just being herself.
Now I wear my big girl panties in the program and most of the people I call are the newbies, anyone who seems to be struggling and has no sponsor, etc. I have my sponsor's phone number on the bottom of the list. I'm changing this. I'm putting her at the top.
This is a selfish program. My recovery, my self-care must come first. I don't know how I slowly, gradually, little by little, ever so slightly meander away and get off track from my needs as a sponsee. I do know I can't give it if I don't have it so I must recommit to strengthening my contact with my sponsor. She prefers to be called in the evening so I'll begin today by calling her tonight.
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