"Normal" in my world meant never let on what you really think without first finding out what everybody else thought. Watch-out for any word that you speak. To be one with the majority was critical for survival. Never be "different". Never show your true feelings, especially anything remotely construed as a gentle, soft, tender emotion because that was considered a red flag and signaled the circling of the pack to shred into you because you are then viewed as too weak, vulnerable and unworthy. Never make a mistake or at least own up to making one, cover it up immediately then blame someone else for making it. If confronted, find fault. When in doubt...deny, deny, deny. Bury the truth. "Fit in" at all costs. Try to look the same, as much as possible. "They" lead...you follow and shut-up. And watch-out, always watch-out because the rule-makers can change the rules without notice or consultation. On the outside looking in but at all costs, look like you are on the inside of the pack looking out, no matter what.
What working the 12 Steps has done for me has been to help work my way out of the hell hole of inauthenticity. I've learned so much. Do I tell the truth because I want to or do I tell the truth because I'm a compulsive truth teller? What is the difference between honesty and stupidity? Because I want to make amends for how I've treated others, do I become a welcome mat where they can wipe their feet on me? There is so much to learn and I'm a slow learner. I'm one of those who repeats my mistakes until the lesson sinks in on what not to do but more importantly, what to do instead.
I've come a long, long way. Just for today I can choose to speak my truth...and listen to yours as I've learned to do in this program because I might hear exactly what it is I really need to know. The Higher Power uses us to help each other. One day at a time...sincerely, Carol
Swami was having a conversation with Lord Shiva one day and said, "Lord, I would like to know what heaven and hell are like.”
Lord Shiva led the Swami to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the Swami looked in. In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the Swami’s mouth water. The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful. However, the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths. The Swami shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering. Lord Shiva said, “You have seen hell”.
They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one. There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man’s mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking. The Swami said, “I don’t understand”.
“It is simple”, said Lord Shiva, “It requires but one skill. You see, they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves”.
http://www.forwardsteps.com.au/docs/LongHandledSpoonStory.pdf
THE LONG HANDLED SPOONS
Swami was having a conversation with Lord Shiva one day and said, "Lord, I would like to know what heaven and hell are like.”
Lord Shiva led the Swami to two doors. He opened one of the doors and the Swami looked in. In the middle of the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the Swami’s mouth water. The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful. However, the handle was longer than their arms, they could not get the spoons back into their mouths. The Swami shuddered at the sight of their misery and suffering. Lord Shiva said, “You have seen hell”.
They went to the next room and opened the door. It was exactly the same as the first one. There was the large round table with the large pot of stew which made the holy man’s mouth water. The people were equipped with the same long-handled spoons, but here the people were well nourished and plump, laughing and talking. The Swami said, “I don’t understand”.
“It is simple”, said Lord Shiva, “It requires but one skill. You see, they have learned to feed each other, while the greedy think only of themselves”.
http://www.forwardsteps.com.au/docs/LongHandledSpoonStory.pdf
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