C.Y.A.---Change Your Attitude

Oh, my gosh!  Yesterday turned out to be nothing like I planned!  It was Andie's day off from work and I'd hoped to go see the car she has for sale because every time I drive Hunter it feels horrible.  Plus I needed to go to Sam's Club to buy dog food for Elvis.  All this before going in to work but to no avail.  My day went nothing like I hoped.  I forget how slow I am in the mornings.  It's like I'm afraid to push myself to go any faster because then I start aching.  From pain-free to yucky.  Jeesh.  Seems to take so long to get simple things done now.  Also my co-worker's daughter was in a car wreck so the work schedule coverage was thrown off.  Our evening staff person worked the morning shift and a relief person was arranged to help.  BUT about 4:30pm she called to say she'd just been to see the doctor and has strep throat.  No way she can work at the shelter in that condition.  She feels so sick, it's very contagious and so guess who stayed to cover the shift?

Another thing is my uncanny ability to fixate on "What's wrong with this picture?" gets activated and soon to follow are immense, intense, sometimes intermittent feelings of resentment, poor me and martyrdom.  In a flash.  My thoughts become like wild horses in a stampede of  "This is too hard.  I can't do it.  I'm hurting but I can't leave.  I'm the only one who can do this.  There's no one else, etc."   Wow.  Just that quick.

The challenge is to stop the stampede, cut the crap.  Stay in the present moment, l-o-v-e myself through whatever is going on.  Change the internal dialogue to "What an honor to be here, to be of service.  What can I do to make this better for me and everybody here?  Change my attitude. From complaint to gratitude. This job is a privilege.  I may not be able to do it all perfect but I'm able to do the best I can in this moment.  Remember to smile, to speak with a gentle, caring, respectful tone of voice.  It's nobody's fault.  Treat myself and others kindly....and remember to b-r-e-a-t-h-e."

The program kicks in when I need it.  This makes all the difference in the world for me.  I'm deeply grateful.

By the time I arrived home it was after 10pm and although I hesitated, thought it was too late, etc. I went ahead and called my sponsor.  We had a lovely conversation and now I feel better connected  and on board.  Yeah!  Such a simple thing to do is to pickup that 5 ton telephone but hard as heck to do because of the resistance, the excuses, the justifications and rationalizations of why not to do it!  Jeesh.  It does get better.  Thank GOD for that....sincerely, Carol