The Emotions Dial/Tuner

Well...I'm starting to feel the blues more and more.  My affect is flattening, not a lot but enough to feel it and my thought-life is starting to spiral...in other words, it's redundant.  I notice when I listen to the news I really feel down.  I've heard people tell me, "Don't take things so personally" but I feel these things very deeply.  I'm sensitive.  Even when I see a dead animal on the road I grieve, the sadness is strong.  I hope and pray its demise was quick, painless.  Jeesh.  It's like I have an Emotions Dial/Tuner that stays stuck on "Sad" and "Sadder".  On the inside, I'm like, "No! No! I don't want to feel this way!" but I feel it more and more.  To resist is to persist.  Intellectually I know there are other feelings on the Emotions Dial/Tuner besides "Sad" and "Sadder". What about "Happy"?  "Joyous"?  "Free"?  The truth is I wonder if I just like to sit in it, feel the self-pity well up in me, you know, the classic "Pity Pot" as I play a private, personal hellhole game of "Ain't It Awful".

"Ain't It Awful"...about that earthquake?...that tsunami?....the air pollution?...all that fighting?...all that hate?....death and dying?...addictions?...global warming?...the economy?...my upbringing?..your upbringing?______________(fill in the blank).  I fixate.  It starts slow and subtle and before I notice...there I am.  Right back in the middle of stuff...in the center of the Universe...the Director's seat...E.dging G.od O.ut...that strange mental twist...leading me straight to hell on Earth.  Jeesh.  Cunning, powerful and baffling.

This is learned behavior, in my opinion.  Somewhere along the way, I learned to avoid, waste my present moments by doing this instead of Living Life to the fullest.  And the way I learned to do this...I can unlearn it.  By practicing on living in the moment, stay in the present, embrace my Higher Power, squeeze all I can from Life, enjoy the bounteous abundance of this gift so freely given.  One day at a time

Today I have the choice to keep the dial where it is or reach in and turn the knob.  It's like when I'm listening to a radio station I don't want to listen to anymore.  Do I keep listening to it?  Sometimes I do or I just tune into another station.  Other stations are there, I just need to tune in to them.  So it is with my emotions.  I just need to tune into "Happy", etc.  Today I have a choice...sit in it or not sit in it.  Which is it to be?  No one else can do or decide this for me...it's an inside job.  Let it begin with me...