The Squeeze

Well, already this week I feel the challenge of The Squeeze.  Whatever I think and feel when I am by myself, at peace or not, is one thing.  But when I am out there in the world connecting and being around everybody else that is quite another.  Jeesh.   I like to believe I'm above the common struggle  but the truth is I'm so common it ain't funny!  It's like when you squeeze an orange, what do you get?  Orange juice because that is what's in it.  When you squeeze Carol, what do you get?  What's in me, the true essence.

Yesterday I finally picked up the phone and called EAP which is the Employee Assistance Program at work.  Sometimes the hardest thing in the world to do is to ask for help.  I've got that false pride, do it on my own, stoic backbone, stiff upper-lip attitude that gets in the way.  Why do I need to tell anybody my business when I can take care of it on my own?  There's a saying, "We're only as sick as our secrets".  My secret is I keep things inside that need to be expressed and let go so I can move on.  And I can't do this alone.  Apparently I'm one of those who needs to look into the eyes of another human being and discharge the energy stuck inside about people, places and things.  That is the 5th Step:  Admitted to GOD, myself and another human being the exact nature of my wrongs.  An understanding sponsor can help with this and so can therapy.  It takes what it takes.


So when I'm squeezed what comes out is the truth...I'm not perfect.  I'm not all that and a pack of potato chips.  I've got a l-o-n-g way to go.

And the truth is...I've come a l-o-n-g way from where I used to be.  Today I have something I dreamed and longed for.  A set of simple tools, freely given, laid at my feet that all I have to do is pick up and use them.  The 12 Steps program...Step 1...Sincerely, Carol oxoxo