Came to

I had a hard time in coming to believe because first I had to come here. I had to arrive.  I was s-l-o-w in accepting there really was a Higher Power.  A lot of this was because of my inability to believe I even had a problem so huge that the only solution was Divine Intervention.  So I learned to act "as if" I believed.  I'd felt phony most of my life and it was hard to embrace "as if" but for this alcoholic it takes what it takes.

I was slammed, dunked and punk-slapped into believing.  King Alcohol brought me down to my knees.  It whopped my butt, beat me to the ground as it led with a sucker punch.  I love to hear Don C. describe the phenomena of the Royal butt-whipping that I can relate to.  The one that woke me up from my unconscious coma-like state, lifeless limbo status of drinking, using, etc.  It hurt so bad, I arrived in a pretty battered condition to the rooms as I came to.

 Don C., a Native American Indian

What a gift to have the privilege to hear his description so eloquently articulated.  I am deeply, profoundly grateful to all those brave souls who reach out valiantly to share their experience, strength and hope.

I wanted to "know", analyze, critique, improve, embellish, personalize, etc.  The language in my head.  A dangerous neighborhood---not a good place for me to be in---where the illness resides.   This is what I knew.

But I had to learn a new way, a new language because the 12 Steps program is in the language of the heart.

What I found-out was the most important thing for me to do was to follow the Steps precisely as laid out in the big book of "Alcoholics Anonymous".   It requires courage, discipline and commitment of which this alcoholic falls short of but the Higher Power can help me.  On page 163, "...you have just now tapped a source of power much greater than yourself. To duplicate, with such backing, what we have accomplished is only a matter of willingness, patience and labor. "

Willingness...I have this as long as I remember the above-mentioned Royal Butt-whipping.  I want to avoid ever having to go through that again in this lifetime, so help me GOD!
Patience...I'm really not the most patient person I know but I'm learning and growing in this area-this program is about progress, not perfection
Labor...it's a labor of love to take care of myself, my program and not only helps me but also affects my loved ones, my job, etc.

Step 1...