"I see sick people"

Quite a few years ago, my son and daughter, Beau and Jessika, took me to see a movie, "The Sixth Sense".  I doubt they ever take me to see a scary movie again.  There was a scene that scared me so much I literally jumped about 2 feet straight up from the cushioned seat which in turn jolted them.   They told me I startled them more than the movie.  Hilarious.  LOL  Anyway, there is a scene in the movie where the little kid says, "I see dead people".

I can relate to that kid.  Except "I see dead people" applies to spiritual death, the deep sleep.  Unconscious.  Unaware.  Comatose. Asleep.  Unawakened.  Closed eyes.

Or I'd probably say something more like, "I see sick people".  So sick yet can't see it for what it is.  We think we're so normal, so healthy.  And in so many ways, we are.  Then there are the ways and the times, we aren't.  We know we're sick because we hurt and then hurt each other.

There used to be an advertisement in the back pages of comic books where you could buy a pair of x-ray glasses.  Now, I never bought them but I always wondered did they work.

The 12 Steps give me a new pair of glasses that work.   I "see" people, places and things in a different way, a new light.  I "see" myself in a different way.  A kinder, softer, forgiving, generous way.  I was hard on myself, intolerant, rigid and this, in turn, was how I treated my loved ones as if they were an extension of me. The program has taught me how to detach in a loving way.  My children are separate from me in a healthier way instead of being cut-off, criticized, abandoned, judged, etc.  I kept waiting for my mom to get better but I found out it was in my best interest to apply myself to this program no matter what and to ":Let it begin with me".   In this way, my children won't have to wait so long for me to extend a peace offering.  They, too, have been affected by this family disease and my heart goes out to them.  They didn't ask for this, neither did I, nor my mother, nor you, nor your mother, etc.

I love the 12 Steps and also the book of "Alcoholics Anonymous" where Bill W. was somehow, someway, at the perfect time and place to synthesize/integrate Dr. Silkworth's medical perspective about the physical phenomena of craving triggered by the first drink preceded by a strange mental twist or idea "this time it'll be different" that didn't work by itself to recover nor did Dr. Bob's spiritual perspective of the Steps leading to a Higher Power.  It took both.  Hand in hand.

On page 164, "Alcoholics Anonymous", it says, "Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. Ask Him in your morning meditation what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. The answers will come, if your own house is in order. But obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got. See to it that your relationship with Him is right, and great events will come to pass for you and countless others...."

And so it is today for me.  HOW to work this program is Honest, Open-minded, Willingness. One day at a time.  It does get better.  Sincerely, Carol xoxox