GOD...not just a road. The Whole Road Map

This morning some of the readings were hilarious!  I was laughing out loud.  Usually a sign...  LOL

I read in "...In All Our Affairs", page 40, where there was a woman living with an actively drinking alcoholic and she wanted to hang on to him no matter what.  She was afraid he was going to leave her so she did her best to be perfect.  Sex anytime, sparkling dishes, great meals, laundry all done, grass mowed, etc.  "The more I aspired for perfection, the more my husband found fault and the more I feared he would walk out.  I was becoming worn out from all I was doing, and my fear of being alone was eating me alive.", she wrote.

I also read in "As We Understood", p.73-78, where another woman struggles with "Should I stay or should I go now?"

In my life circumstance I live with an active alcoholic (I'm not diagnosing him.  He tells me he is an alcoholic.).  I, too, am a recovered alcoholic.  Through the grace of GOD and working the 12 Steps program, the compulsion, fixation, obsession to drink alcohol was removed from me January 17, 1993.    I also quit smoking cigarettes (Marlboro reds) November 17, 1993.  My sponsor, Charity, told me it's not really recommended to quit other addictions during the first year of sobriety because relapse with one can make relapse with another more likely.  (She died a couple of years later from congestive heart failure due to cigarette addiction).  But my 3 packs a day addiction was making me sick where I constantly coughed, spoke with a hoarse voice, couldn't sing, my hair smelled of cigarette smoke and all my clothes sported at least one cigarette hole...so I cold-turkeyed.  Haven't smoked since then.  Instead, I gained a lot of weight.  I wasn't that little to begin with but I sure as heck wasn't as big as I am now.

Now, I'm fat, obese, morbidly obese at 267lbs.  One of my co-workers told me she'd learned one thing from going to Overeaters Anonymous..."It's not what you're eating, it's what's eating you."  So, this in turn leads me back to the quote above, "...and my fear of being alone was eating me alive."

I notice I need to go back in and do some more inventory work.  No one else can do this for me, I must do it myself, for myself and not by myself.  This is where I need my Higher Power and sponsor to help me along the way.  :)  So I won't get lost, or held captive by the past or into morbid reflection or any of the other sidetracks possible.

I like what the woman in "As We Understood" further writes, "In reality, there are many routes to choose from, both on the highway and in our lives, and GOD is willing to work with our choices if we will only let Him....You see, I feel that my Higher Power isn't one particular route in life.  To me, He is the whole road map.  Now, I ask GOD's guidance as I travel."  Kewl.  What a concept.  Almost like quantum physics.  LOL

Dear Sweet Lord Creator, I love YOU and I thank YOU for loving me.  YOU are The Most High, Greatest, Awesomest.   Thank YOU for the amazing potentialities YOU bestow upon us all.  Lord, please support and guide me through this maze of Life.  YOU are The Way, The Source of All and without YOU I am nothing, no thing.  I put my all into YOUR Loving, Healing, Powerful, Compassionate, All-knowing Hands.  May I follow YOUR Will, Lord, not mine.  As YOU Will...Love, Carol xoxox