I peeled potatoes, cooked them in olive oil, heated up tortillas, and cooked some over-easy eggs for Sho and me. I cleaned up and went to the Club for my meetings.
I switched from going to the Sunday Women's AA 3pm meeting and now attend English Alanon from 10am-11am, then Spanish Alanon 11-12, then English AA from 12-1pm. Kewl. My big deal about this is an effort to do meetings without using up so much gas, keeping efficient. Of course, I also listen to speaker on-line meetings everyday. I feel so grateful for the times I live in. So many opportunities! Wow, indeed!
Well, a miracle happened. An AA Hispanic male came by the club and I told him about how I keep showing up to do the Spanish Alanon meeting and have no takers. He said, "I'll help you. Guess what? I sponsor Hispanic AA males and guess who calls me? Their wives. When I want to meet with them, guess where I gotta go? To their houses. Guess where a meeting has to happen a lot of times. In their house. I'll be here with you to help. Another thing is, we won't have to focus so much on the GOD thing cause they got a lot of that." He's also agreeable to do this meeting formatted around listening to Salvador's platicas (speaker tapes). Oh, my GOD. What a blessing! Just when I was seriously considering giving up! Wow.
My self-esteem has really been taking a battering from me here lately. The Mae West quote "When I'm good, I'm very good. When I'm bad, I'm better" kind of applies here because I notice I heal in certain ways then other hurts surface, then I do the work, heal some, then other stuff, etc. It's when I stop doing what works that I'm in greater harrowing situations.
Anyway, just as I was leaving the Club, I saw a young (27 years old) Alanon friend that I know has worked the Steps. I told her I really had a hard time getting someone to sponsor me in Alanon because they say they're either too busy, going thru hard times themselves, one told me to go to OA first before she'd help me, etc. I asked her if she's still working with her sponsor? Yes. (Check.) How far along her Steps? Nine. (Check). How would she feel with sponsoring a 58 year old woman. Fine. (Check). She asked how would I feel to have a 27 year old woman as a sponsor? Fine. (Check). How did I feel about starting back at Step 1? Fine. (Check). We arranged to meet on Saturdays right after the AA meeting. We agreed to use the "Paths to Recovery" Alanon book which in my humble opinion is one of the most powerhouse books of that fellowship, a close second to "Alcoholics Anonymous" big book..
Anyway, after all these mixed blessings occurred I arrived back at the house and I felt crappy, dismayed, deflated, almost that impending doom feeling I used to be so familiar with. Lethargic, like nothing really mattered. Wow. After so many blessings.
My grandson came to spend the night because he and Sho went fishing early this morning. And for once, I was kind of withdrawn, to myself, not the busybody hostess. He seemed fine with this. And Elvis didn't try to bite him. Kewl. I finally went to the emofree.com website to study it a bit. You just never know...LOL
Well, today I'll clean some beans and put them in the crockpot to slow cook and GOD-willing, I'll work on my gardening. Just for this moment, I am at peace and grateful to be here.Dear GOD Almighty Creator, YOU are The Wonder of my life and without YOU life is not possible. Thank YOU for the multiple gifts YOU shower upon us all. YOU are The Greatest, Mostest of All. Please guide me, Lord, through this day to be of service to YOU and YOUR children. Love, Carol xoxox
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