The 3 Sins of Anger

Yesterday I volunteered to engage in a "discussion" with my partner in life.  The night before Sho told me some stuff while he was under the influence of alcohol.   I did not react or engage in the one-sided conversation he had at that time.  I listened and withdrew as soon as I could.  Although I knew he was in an altered state due to the alcohol chemical I  do believe alcohol removed any barriers he might have felt to express uninhibitedly whatever he thought without sensitivity or consideration of how I felt hearing his point of view. I still fixated, obsessed and grieved all night long.

What I feared was how could I tell him my point of view without going to war that takes no hostages?  This is where I  pulled out the Steps.

Step 1...I'm powerless over alcohol and what it does to Sho.  I'm powerless over his attitudes.  I'm powerless over his inappropriate timing to talk crap to me and how he talks it.  My life becomes unmanageable when I get "crazy" in reaction...my thoughts and emotions tailspin, fixate, obsess on the "3 sins of anger:  retaliation, revenge, and resentment."  (Day by Day, January 8).  Step 2...I am NOT the one running this show.  There is a Higher Power, a Director, Universal Spirit that can take care of all this topsy-turvy existence and experience.  Who's large and in charge?  It can restore me to sanity so I'm not crazily reacting in response to every thought and feeling that crosses my being.  Step 3...Dear GOD of my understanding that holds the Universe in place...please...take me, my will, my life into YOUR care, YOUR guidance and support that I may do YOUR Will.  I sincerely do trust that YOU have it all covered, no matter what.  Step 4...write my columns...(who), (what they did), (affected my esteem, finances, ambitions, security, and/or personal relations?), (what's my part in it?) and last but not least (What is the ideal?). Step 5...Talk to GOD and another human being about the exact nature of my wrongs.  I'm selfish and self-centered most of the time.  Step 6...

The next morning, I was ready.  I told Sho exactly how I felt as the tears flowed down my face.  I grieved in front of him instead of privately, politely and shrouded in false pride socially withdrawn in my room.  I told him how I felt was not his fault, that he's a good guy, I admire him.  I told him he's not to blame.  I expressed all myself, itemized the list of anxieties I'm feeling---not because of him---and listed what I'm up to.  I opened up, contained my material, owned it without attacking him or anything about him.  And I told him when he said what he did the night before it was just one more thing to pile on my stuff...like Joe Pespi in the movie, "My Cousin Vinny".

He heard me.  So we talked and listened.  Both of us.  Not just me.  And healed our relationship.  One more time.

Dear Sweet Lord Almighty Creator GOD, thank YOU for it all, one moment at a time.   Thank YOU for the sweet showers of blessings YOU bestow upon us all, loved and not-so-loved.  YOU'RE AWESOME!  Love, Carol xoxox