Building Trust

Am I helpless or powerless? I wrote about this on November 30, 2012.  This morning I again picked up the workbook from ACA.  I see why I'd put it down in the first place.  Jeesh.  It's griping and very real.  Powerful light.  Powerful medicine.  The truth will set you free indeed.

I've got a friend who strongly believes in having things.  The best of things.  High cost things at the cheapest price.  So she worked h-a-r-d, I mean hard, to provide for her family.  As a single mom she wanted to give them what they needed plus.  She worked for years.  Fast forward to the here and now.  Do you think all her efforts are lauded?  Do you think those children fully appreciate the sacrifices she made for them to have a roof over their heads and food, clothes, etc.?  Not really.  Matter of fact, they want more.  The guilt trip is she wasn't there, at home, when they needed her the most.  To add insult to injury, when she was home she was so grumpy, irritated,  tired, overwhelmed by her responsibilities that she needed to rest, get ready for the next day looming large and still prepare and cook dinner, wash clothes, or whatever else needed to be done.  This woman's children were easy prey for predators because she was so tired, she needed help and guess who was there?

Oprah, GOD bless her soul, produced a show where child molesters truthfully talked about their compulsions and how they preyed on children.  Their primary target is the caretaker, the person who has a child.  Trust.  That is a big word.  The predator builds trust to gain access to an exclusive relationship.

Anyway, this comes to mind this morning.  When I was a child there was an old man who sat on a wooden park bench every morning.  He watched us as we played hopscotch, jumped ropes, etc.  Then he'd say, "Do you want a quarter, little girl?  Come here and I'll give you one."  He'd stretch out his wrinkled, shaky hand with closed fingers.  I really did want that quarter.  Back in those days a quarter bought a lot of stuff.  But I was a chicken.  I didn't trust him.  So I never got a quarter.  I always wondered though.  Was there really a quarter in his hand or was it trick?

Just how many of us have been abused?  In other ways, some
not so obvious?  Not sheltered, protected at all or overly sheltered, protected.  Over parented, not parented.  Managed, manipulated or thrown to the wind.  Make it or don't make it.  Symbiotic relationships of emotional incest with no boundaries or strict lines of demarcation that never intersect...separate and alone or stuck so close together as one to where your backside is their front, theirs is yours?

What I l-o-v-e about recovery is we get a chance, one more time, one day at a time, to build our trust in a Higher Power that loves us all unconditionally.  A relationship of faith in a Power Greater that heals us of all hurts, real or imagined, incurred along Life's pathways.

Dear Lord GOD Almighty Creator of the External and Internal Eternal Heavens, truly the works of YOUR hands are marvelous, stupendous and colossal creations.  From the smallest, submicroscopic quantum particle to the swirling gigantic galaxies in the magnificent Universes YOUR Power, Love and Grace shines forth.  All I need to do is remember to keep "my hands off and my heart on"*, stay out of the way, do the next right thing by relying on YOU to show me the way to get in the wheel-barrel YOU push on the high tightrope** called Life.  May I trust YOU and have faith YOU got it all covered.  All of it.  May I do YOUR Will to be of service to YOU and my spiritual brother and sisters.  Just for today.  Love, Carol

* Courage to Change, p. 124
** As We Understood, p.160