To See Beyond What Seems To Be and The Bridge

Well, something I didn't mention about the day I went with Dennis was at one point there was an individual sitting in the car who I've met many, many times throughout the years.  Even though I knew his name, I'd been talking to him for a bit, all of a sudden, for a brief moment, I couldn't think of his name!  Just like that.  I looked at him and he kept talking as internally I struggled, scrambled to remember his name which I'd been using a few moments before.  I felt sad, worried, afraid, dismayed.   A blink later, I remembered...then all was fine but I didn't forget the episode.  I didn't talk about it until the next evening when a co-worker came in to work I told her and she said she has those all the time.  An early sign of dementia.  WHAT!??!?!?!  "Haven't you had them before?", she asked.  Uh, no.  More like, "where the heck are those car keys?  Or my eyeglasses."  Stuff like that. Not forgetting a person's name I'd just been using.  I do remember once when I was a teenager I was writing a letter and for some reason I could not figure out how to write the word "that".  I sounded it out in my head, visually I could not "see" it, the closest I could come to was "dat". I wrote "dat" but I knew it was wrong.  I remember the discomfort, the feeling of missing the mark, etc.  Very uncomfortable.  Jeesh.  Is it early dementia, or Alzheimer's disease or what???

As we are aging, how many of us will face the changing of our bodies and our minds?  The long ago days when we were young people feeling enthusiastic, invincible, everlasting, strong, physically engaged.  Time slowed to where a minute dragged by and felt like forever but now, it flies by with gasping speed.   There's nothing new in this since the beginning of time but it feels new to me.  I've never been here before.  I watched my grandma, my mom, aunts, uncles, cousins and movie stars throughout the years...wrinkle up, some middle aged tubby but then shrink up, shrivel up..wow.

Hope for Today, p.148:  "...I learned that the emotional numbness I had developed to cope with growing up with alcoholism contributed much to my sense of insanity.  It forced me to see life as happening outside of and unconnected to myself.  In Al-Anon, by learning to listen to my feelings, give them a name, express them.  I built a bridge between my broken self, my Higher Power, and my wholeness."

One Day at a Time in Al-Anon", p.148, "...if we learn to use the leverage of GOD's help.  It is always with us, ready to give us the lift we need.  What happens then is that we are enabled to see beyond what seems to be.  ...getting a new perspective on our troubles, instead of pinpointing our thoughts on the trouble."
     "Thing cannot always go as you want them to.  Accept disappointment quietly;  cultivate the gift of silence when speaking may aggravate the difficulty."

Dear Sweet Lord Creator, thank YOU for it all.  Love, Carol xoxox