Those old feelings come alive. I can feel him as if it was way back then. The heartfelt yearning, wanting to see him, hear his voice. This is not about sex. It's about the heart, the inner core. The part of me that when I used to hear his name caused flutters or just knowing he was there made me feel like I was on an elevator with cut cords, an sweet indescribable rush. Yep. Again I grieved, cried. Last night I tossed, turned, couldn't go to sleep. Silly, silly me. My friend tells me she knows him. That he's tall and handsome, his graying hair attractive. I believe it. She also tells me she reunited with a former young love and it didn't work out at all. As if. Even if I were free, I feel confident he wouldn't want me. I think the underlying issue about my weight is to keep people, especially men, put-off, away. Now throw in aging wrinkles and hair chin, oh my, who the heck would want me? LOL Silly, silly me.
Definitely got a "pity party of one" in full swing going on here! I must stop this and stay in reality. I hand this one over. Jeesh. Again and again. Obviously with claw marks.
Dear Heavenly Lord GOD Almighty, YOUR compassionate, loving mercy is so amazing. Thank YOU so much for all YOU do. I love YOU and I thank YOU for loving me. Lord, I put this relationship in my heart and head into YOUR Hands. As YOU Will. Lord, thank YOU for this day and please help me be of maximum service to YOU and my brothers and sisters in the Spirit. Love, Carol xoxox
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