It Does Get Better

Well, I'm calming down.  It was like a strong wind from the past blew and ruffled me up.  Jeesh.   You know, I'm always amazed at just how vulnerable I can feel.  I want to think "weak", limited, etc. in a cruel, harsh, perfectionistic way but recovery helps filter those thoughts into gentleness, comfort, loving forgiveness.   Thank GOD there is an option!  I can change my mind, attitudes and behaviors, especially by not reacting or acting on every passing thought or emotion I may experience today..

It does get better.  "This, too, shall pass." Yep.

Hope for Today, p.152, "I grew up believing my behavior was supposed to be perfect and hating myself when it wasn't.  No one actually told me I was supposed to be flawless, but that's what I believed.  My self-esteem diminished whenever I made a mistake, didn't know something I was expected to know, did something wrong, or when something I unintentionally did or said ended up hurting someone.  I believed my mistakes were proof of my failure at the one thing I was supposed to accomplish---perfection...Humility, not humiliation, is the long-term goal of the 4th Step inventory...to help me develop a list of the things I can change to make my life more spiritual, sane, satisfying, and serene.  In this context perfectionism is not an option."

Courage to Change, p.151 (yesterday's reading), "As a result of living in a household where alcohol was abused, the concept of being gentle with myself was foreign.  What was familiar was striving for perfection and hating myself whenever I fell short of my goals...Being human is not a character defect!  Today I will be gentle with my humanness.  A quote from John Ruskin, "The question is not what a man can scorn, or disparage, or find fault with, but what he can love, and value, and appreciate."

p.152, "We are guided on this journey by a Power greater than ourselves, but the steps we take must be our own.  Only by facing the darkness can we receive the treasure---the light and joy of emerging from all that has held us back."

One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, p.151, talks about how a member realized the program boiled down to 4 words:  Mind Your Own Business.  "I will concentrate on the things that are my concerns---and make sure which really are mine.  I will keep hands off the business of others.  I will not interfere with the alcoholic's activities, assume his responsibilities or shield him from the consequences of what he does.  A quote from Marcus Aurelius, "When you are offended at anyone's fault, turn to yourself and study your own failings.  By attending to them, you will forget your anger and learn to live wisely."  NOTE TO SELF:  I MUST REMEMBER THIS!

p.152, "Our role is to allow the inevitable consequences to overtake the unhappy drinker, as they surely will if we keep ourselves from doing anything to prevent it.  The trouble that finally faces the alcoholic will be of his own making.  "Scheming to outwit the addicted person is doomed to failure.  Let's examine our own motives to be sure we're not playing self-defeating games.  We will have to dig deep for this kind of honesty, but it's well worth it."

Dear Sweet Lord, as YOU Will.  Love, Carol xoxox