Submit, one more time...

My sponsor and I talked on the telephone last night.  I told her about what happened and that I'm sticking to working this inventory.  I still work other Steps.

For example, Step 1---I become AWARE how I'm powerless over when people show up in my life on GOD's time, not mine also I become AWARE thinking it's me trying to run (trying to control, direct, judge) the show, "how dare they show up now, it's not what I want right now", the unmanageability whirlwind of thoughts and emotions enmeshing, unclear of which comes first, how to stop it, fixated, obsessed, lost to consciousness, wrapped up in the insanity of my best thinking.  

Step 2---I'm c-r-a-z-y.  The delusion is that I can take care of the situation, on my own, just fine.  "It's not a delusion if I know it's not real."---what a psychiatrist told me once.  But history shows over and over just where my best thinking took me...humbled, willing to go to any lengths, ready to submit to a simple process that complicating minds keep trying to analyze and improve but it's best left alone.  It works when I work it.  There is a power greater than you and me holding the Universe, the moons, stars together and it ain't us.  The Great Spirit, The One, the Higher Power, the Creator.  Who's large and in charge?  The Higher Power.  Ready, available, waiting for me to Let Go and Let GOD which I can't do until I can ACCEPT GOD really is, believe, have faith GOD can and will do for me what I cannot do for myself.  

Step 3---Now that I see the errors of my ways, erroneous attitudes and behaviors, I go into ACTION.  I get out of the way, let go of the illusion of the reins of control, take the leap of Faith required, LET GO AND LET GOD.  "I take the leap...then the net appears."

Simple...but hard as heck to do for people like me to do...I seem to always have one more trick, one more "idea"...this needs to be squashed, smashed.  Stop it.  No more.  Basta.  Kaput.  My innermost Self must be convinced that I am not the Solution to my problem.  GOD is.  In everything, in every way.  If I just submit.  Surrender.  Let it go...

Dear Sweet Lord GOD Creator, YOU are the Glue that holds it all together, YOU are The Light that shines on the Pathway, YOU are The Way Out, and YOU is a-w-e-s-o-m-e.  Thank YOU for it all.  This moment in time, in the Present, wrapped as a gift freely given.  May we embrace this moment, breathe in YOUR Love, and celebrate our GOD-given rights to live, love and be happy...in the freedom of the Spirit, in this world and the next.  As YOU Will.  Please help me be of service, Lord, to YOU and my spiritual brothers and sisters.  Love, Carol xoxox