Characters, Relapses and Slips

Deep down in the shadows, we're all killers.  We kill with lies.  We kill people off all the time when we ignore them, pretend they're not there, don't talk to them, kill them off with words, deny their existence, turn away, turn our backs on them.  Or cast stones.  Stoning them with words, sometimes when they are not even there.  Character assassination.  Those are strong words, I know.  So different from how we like to think of ourselves.

"I would never do that."  "I'm good to everybody."  "They deserve it." "If they didn't make me treat them that way, I would treat them better."  "It's their fault."  "What-e-v-e-r."

"We are not saints." page 60, "Alcoholics Anonymous".  However, that is never a good excuse to treat other people as if they are insignificant, unimportant.  They are GOD's children, too.  It's very important to stay connected to others, to care about them, to stretch a hand-up, to be of service.

To love and be loved.

Jeesh.  I got a l-o-n-g way to go.

I went out to do street outreach last Thursday.  It's been a long time since I've done that.  Dennis took me to a small bridge on South First Street.  It spanned a dried-up creek bed and there was a somewhat tall cement embankment I needed to dismount.  There were a few bags with sand piled in the corner as a help, so I survived getting down there.  The brush and trees encased me and Dennis kept alerting me to avoid the plants as much as possible.  We made it to the gravelly creek bed and saw along the opposite embankment where someone had collected branches, sticks, tree limbs and interwove them into a dam-like barrier.  Looked like a beaver dam.  Awesome and very industrious work, must have taken quite some time.  Dennis called out so whoever was around could hear him and we wouldn't startle anyone.  As we approached the clearing up beyond the dam, we saw a young man sitting in his camping area.  He appeared relaxed.  Alone.  Shirtless.  He reached for his shirt but Dennis said we were looking for a certain friend and we withdrew.  We went back`down to the creek bed and as it winded through the landscape, further up, like in the movie "Mad Max and the Thunderdome", two characters appeared.  One of them had blond hair puffed-out like a wild Afro, the sun lighting it into a large halo, the other one had long mated dark hair.  Damn.  I thought.  I don't even have my phone with me in case I need to call for help.  I felt startled, a little alarmed, slightly on-guard, but relaxed, ready. As if there's a damn thing I could do.  Talk about delusional.  Anyway, they approached and as they got closer I saw one was a male and the other a female or at least, that's how they appeared.  Both of them young with a gypsy look about them.  No smiles but did look at us as we looked back and passed each other as if the creek bed was a boulevard, a street.  Interesting.  Dennis and I went further along and saw a clothesline with clothes hanging on it to dry and there was a yellow hardhat, too.  Finally we turned and went back to the cement wall which was a lot of fun for me to climb and get my big butt up.  Dennis was patient and ready to catch me if necessary.  Which is hilarious because he is slim and trim.  LOL  Hey, we survived.  Kewl beanz.  Talk about keep me humble.

As We Understood, p.200, "When we turn to GOD, we find He has been facing us all the time."

Courage to Change, p.147, "We don't see the world as it is.  We see the world as we are."  A quote from Helen Keller, "To keep our faces toward change and behave like free spirits in the presence of fate is strength undefeatable."

One Day at a Time in Al-anon, p.47, "When I fall into my old habits of self-pity and reproaching, my relapse is just as involuntary and forgivable as that of the alcoholic.  The bad moments will pass if I do not blow them up into tragedies."  "...a relapse is a lot more painful to the alcoholic than it is to us.  Let's not make it worse!"

Daily Reflections, p.154, "Our spiritual and emotional growth...does not depend so deeply upon success as it does upon our failures and setbacks.  If you bear this in mind, I think that your slip will have the effect of kicking you upstairs, instead of down" a quote from As Bill Sees It, p. 184  "Simple truths come in complicated ways to me when I become ego driven."

Dear Sweet Lord GOD Creator, thank YOU for the magnificence of YOUR shining Light of Truth, Forgiveness and Grace.  We all need YOU, Lord, to show us the way to do YOUR Will in all things, everyday.  I ask YOU, Lord, to use me to be
of maximum service to YOU and my spiritual brothers and sisters.  As YOU Will.  Love, Carol xoxox