In my head, Zombie

What is it about holidays or designated "special" events that rile me up so much?  My anxiety flares, hyper-vigilance, people-pleasing, want to "do it right", show-up, be present...then when the moment is on me...I'm there, do the best I can, whatever that means in the moment, and then it's over...everything went just fine, no big deal.  B-u-t, oh my gosh, in my head!  What an event!

I remember my kids singing the song, "In my head, in my head, zombie, zombie" by the Cranberries.

They sang it so much I started knowing the words and sang along with them...today I can see why.  Jeesh.  LOL

In my recovery process I've learned to stay out of there.  In my head is a dangerous neighborhood and the only time I need to go in there is for a "Neighborhood Clean-up" with a sponsor, a trusted friend that has done the 12 Steps work themselves, and they have a sponsor who has a sponsor, and so on.  I know where my best thinking took me and it wasn't a good place until I made it to the rooms of the 12 Steps.  Thank GOD (the one of my understanding).  I've learned to trust in a Power Greater than me that has it all covered, no questions asked.  All I gotta do is do my part and that is stay the heck out of the way, pray, then do the next right thing.  It's not that hard but like the saying goes, "If it's not hard, give me a minute."  Even while in the rooms, I've taken some curves off the straight and narrow path, very easy to do but I've found out over and over:  the easier, softer way is to work the 12 Steps program.  It works EVERY TIME if I just get off my ass-mosis and do the work.  Jeesh.  I really am a turtle!  LOL s-l-o-w....

Dear Sweet Lord GOD of my understanding that surpasses all understanding, thank YOU for this precious moment of Life YOU bestow on us all.  It is such a brief, fleeting time that quickly flies by as we age but seemed to d-r-a-g when we were little children.  Thank YOU for the multiple blessings YOU bestow on us all, whether we appreciate it or not YOUR Love is constant, pure and true.  I pray for YOUR guidance and support to be of maximum service to YOU and my spiritual brothers and sisters.  As YOU Will.  Love, Carol xoxox