The Yo-yo

Well, Sho and I spent some time together yesterday.  We're back "in love."  That's hilarious when I stop to think about it.  Loving an alcoholic is like loving an emotional, mental yo-yo.  Like being willing to be back and forth, up and down, walking the dog and all those other tricks...cause it feels tricky.  It's rather unstable.  Jeesh.  Sometimes I'm just not willing to be the yo-yo and that's when I get honest, do the deal to stop the game playing.

I'm still digging around on this current 4th Step.  The vigorous, in-depth honesty is deep at this time.  I thought I was honest before...more will be revealed, indeed.  NOTE to Self:  Keep the boots on.  LOL  Actually, this time I'm sticking to the "facts" as I saw them.  No theatrics.  Kewl beanz.

Day by Day, "...we give up on the game playing because there are no more tricks left in the bag."

Daily Reflections, p.184, "...wanted to lose the obsession...but didn't know how to do it...decided to stick around long enough to find out from the ones who went before me...I was told to get a Higher Power and I had no idea what one looked like.  I found out there are many Higher Powers.  I was told to find God, as I understand Him, that there was no doctrine of the Godhead...I found what worked for me and then asked that Power to restore me to sanity.  The obsession...was removed and---one day at a time---my life went on, and I learned how to live..."  A quote from As Bill Sees It, p.95, "We are only operating a spiritual kindergarten in which people are enabled to get over drinking and find the grace to go on living to better effect."

One Day at a Time in Al-Anon, p.176, "...have been dealing with the past...searched the corners of our memory for grievances to be adjusted by means of our new view of our role in life...becomes a daily ritual, a housecleaning that takes place in a nightly review of the day's happenings...no backlog of guilt to worry about, we keep order as we go along...Although I cannot expect perfection, I can observe my progress and enjoy the deep satisfactions it can bring me...keeping myself receptive to solutions will guide me to them.  "Look to yourself---it is there that all your answers are found."

Courage to Change, p.176, story about a farmer found a magical flute, played it every day so hens would lay more eggs but this didn't happen..."when asked if he had any success, the farmer replied, "I sure did.  It wasn't much of a day for egg-laying, but it was a fine day for music!"...learn that success and failure are a matter of perspective...we achieve many successes every day...now have the opportunity to change long-held behavior and beliefs.  That is a great achievement."

Hope for Today, p.176, about the 5th Tradition, "...learned that I can set limits on what I am willing and able to contribute to others.  By taking care of myself and slowly building positive relationships...I exhibit the message of hope...Today I give whatever understanding (defined it as 'work to recognize the disease and its effects, thereby improving my perspective') and encouragement (defined as 'practice detachment by doing my best to allow the alcoholics (or other people) the dignity of making their own choices').  It is based on what I can provide, not on what they want."

As We Understood, p.227, "...I am on the road to recovery.  It's a never-ending road, but not a tiresome one, because around every curve is a new happiness."

Dear GOD Creator of it all...As YOU Will.  Love, Carol xoxox