She looked amazing. And different from what I ever saw her. She looked like a princess in some primitive way. Too hard to describe, different. She was considered a curandera by many people and it was moving to see the tribute paid to her, especially by the grandchildren. One of them told me she was a good grandma although she would pinch them but mainly because they were doing things they weren't supposed to, like poking sticks at her chickens. We reminisced about the flying saucer shaped tortillas she used to make, so big they overfilled the largest skillet or griddle. Huge. Wow.
I remember the time, in an effort to cure her husband of constipation, she took a plunger to him. He was so much taller than her and I pictured her trying to help him. Hilarious. I laughed so hard whenever I thought of it.
Anyway the funeral was something else. Sho's ex-wife was there and afterwards I told him I gave her an A+ for courage. That she was willing to show-up to pay her respects was very courageous. Later on, my youngest step-son remarked to me if I'd seen my competition. That she was saying it was Sho's fault they separated. I told him no one person can take the blame for what happened because it's a family disease that affected everybody, including him, me, Sho, etc. He seemed reflective. I hugged him and told him I found an old card he'd handcrafted and given me many years ago. It said, "My love for you grows and grows and grows." The card is long and folded. So each time it unfolds the words "and grows" appears. Very kewl. One more time. I may not have been the best mother, step-mother in the world. I was there. I did the best I knew how at that time. I loved them, and considering how poor we were, there was a lot of laughter, close-ness and sharing. We were all in it together. I put this in GOD's Hands.
What was remarkable was when Sho's working and fishing buddies, Mario, Mario's dad, Tony, and Miguel showed up to give him moral support The beauty and potency of their love and support was so cute. I shook their hands as I met them. I wanted to hug them.They were adorable to care for Sho in this way. They are good men, like Sho is a good man. GOD bless them.
The funeral stirred and squeezed in different ways. I put it all in the Hands of a Power Greater than me. GOD. I ain't the One. Jeesh.
Last night I felt sad, pensive, worried, fearful and in need of a meeting but I didn't want to go. I didn't want to encounter Sam. I wanted to avoid him. Leave him alone. Honor his space. But my conflict was...I needed a meeting. I called my sponsor. Went to the club. And instead of going inside, I hung out with a double winner who's been gravely ill and is doing so much better. It was such a relief. He's an excellent conversationalist and quite engaging. I really enjoyed listening and talking with him. We waxed deep especially when another double winner hung-out with us for a while. Then it was time to go home and feed Elvis. I felt relaxed, grateful and outside of my head. Kewl beanz.
Dear Sweet Lord GOD Almighty Creator, YOUR awesome abundant gifts of Life evidence the magnitude of YOUR Power, YOUR Wisdom, YOUR Love and YOUR Grace. Thank YOU for this precious gift and all glory to YOU, Lord. Please help me be of maximum service to YOU and my brothers and sisters. Love, Carol
No comments:
Post a Comment